ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize