i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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