remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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