She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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