words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Success! We fucked roommates!
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