I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
