maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
