so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
