I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
