You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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