I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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