My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
