are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
