talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
