apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
