I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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