The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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