I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
