Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
