You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
