dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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