I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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