Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize