New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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