bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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