I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
