Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
