I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So apparently I’m into choking now
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