i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize