I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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