At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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