me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
