apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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