It's like God shit irony all over that family
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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