is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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