Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
