Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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