Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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