if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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