woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
