I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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