I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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