Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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