So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
