I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
