I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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