how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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