He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
