I heard we made out
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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