I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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