I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
