you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
