Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize