Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
