Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize