talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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