dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
