is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I still have a little drunk in my system
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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