I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
