Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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