That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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