Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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