FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
