I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize