ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize