My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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