we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
