The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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