I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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